


You're Not Very Smooth, Are You?

by FlowersAndNoseScrunches



Series: All Of Time And Space, And I Run Into My Wife [2]
Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Banter, Eventual Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan, F/F, Light Angst, Yaz has a crush, actually more implied (eventual) thasmin tbh, ending is a lil bit sad but also hopeful, river picks up thirteen and carries her bridal style at one point, river ships thasmin, the doctor and river have an oPEN marriage folks, the doctor is clueless about her feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 08:18:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 14,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17783870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FlowersAndNoseScrunches/pseuds/FlowersAndNoseScrunches
Summary: The Doctor most definitely does not have a crush on a random woman in a pub just because she happens to have space hair and look an awful lot like her wife, that would be ridiculous! But for some reason, her friends don’t seem to believe her, and she finds herself urged to talk to her so-called crush.





	1. You're not very smooth, are you?

**Author's Note:**

> ok so i’ve been writing this forever (like anything i write doesn’t take forever lol) but it’s been such a blast and i just really like this story ok. it’s my smol baby and i adore the concept. also, i did not plan to post it on valentine’s day, it’s just a coincidence lol
> 
> i don’t have have a beta, so all mistakes are mine (and probably caused by a lack of sleep, but that’s not really that relevant. and really, aren’t all fics written at like three am?)

The Doctor, Graham, Ryan, and Yaz were in a pub in Sheffield. Wasn’t the first choice of the majority of them, but Graham had made a special request. And after taking Yaz to see her grandma, with all the risks that implied, the Doctor could hardly refuse. They were sitting around a table eating, talking, and making jokes. Yaz and Ryan did most of the talking and joke making, and the Doctor was trying to figure out what her new mouth approved of.

“It’s so weird,” Graham whispered, not really aiming it at anyone. He downed what was left of his drink. The Doctor stopped licking her chips and the four of them fell quiet until Graham spoke again. “This the day I first met her. Not here of course, up at the hospital.” Ryan reached over to grab his hand, knowing Graham would appreciate it, but the Doctor was the first one to try and comfort him.

“It’s awful, isn’t it? Hurts so much, and there’s not a thing you can do about it,” the Doctor’s voice nearly cracked, but even so it had a softness to it. “Remembering hurts, and ignoring hurts even more.”

“Yeah.” Graham agreed, taken aback by how gentle and collected the Doctor acted. Usually she barely had time to finish a sentence before starting the next one. “And you tell yourself that tomorrow you’re gonna be more alright, but then tomorrow comes and-”

“And it still hurts just the same.” The Doctor nodded. “So you just hope that the next day will be better, or the the day after that.”

“That in a year, you won’t hurt quite as much.” Tears threatened to spill out of Graham’s eyes, an entire year without Grace felt inconceivable. “Tell me Doc, would a thousand years make a difference?”

“Honestly Graham, sometimes a thousand years only strengthens it.” She chuckled somewhat. “Though that is probably the exception, not the rule.” 

The team had already been at the pub for quite a while more when the Doctor noticed the woman sat close to one of the the corners. Her face was turned away, but she found her fascinating nonetheless. Dressed in all black, with more than a few glasses (and bottles) in front of her. The shadows crept around her, but her gigantic curly blonde hair seemed to glow anyway. The Doctor had only ever known one woman with hair like that. A woman she had lost and could never see again. A woman who wouldn’t ever be right here, right now. Sighing, she stared down at the table, hearts aching. But she couldn’t keep her eyes away from the woman for long once she’d spotted her. She tried not looking, she really did, but she just ended up glancing over again and again. It took some time for her friends for notice, but when they did, it was impossible to ignore. Graham shook his head over her, Ryan rolled his eyes, and Yaz elbowed her, a little too hard.

“C’mon Doc, just go up to her.” Graham was the first to say anything, when they were all in the clear on what was happening.

“Who? Me? Who’s me?” The Doctor stared at him, trying to give off her best “hey, look at me, I’m innocent!”-face. “Going up to who?” She might have fooled them if her voice hadn’t been a bit too high. 

“That woman, duh,” Ryan said, “The one you got a crush on.” The Doctor opened her mouth to protest, but it took her a minute to form a sentence.

“ _Ryan_! I do not.” She scrunched her face up, muttering. “Humans, always thinking ‘bout romance.” Then she glanced over to the woman again, her cheeks going all pink.

“You sure?” Yaz giggled at her friend, although the smile on her face hinted of sadness. The Doctor was without a doubt the best person she’d ever met, and Yaz might have the tiniest crush on her. Seeing her fall for a stranger in a bar instead of Yaz… Well, it hurt.

“Yes,” the Doctor affirmed. The woman in the shadows raised a glass to her lips, and the Doctor let out a breath she didn’t know she’d held. Her friends looked at each other, full of disbelief. The Doctor couldn’t possibly be oblivious to this.

“Kay, maybe not.” She sighed again. “But it’s nothing. We should probably just leave…” The team only had to have a quick look at each other to decide they weren’t going anywhere.

“No way, mate.”

“You’re going up to her!”

“Wha-“ the Doctor shook her head at her new friends, “You lot are so stubborn, you know that!”

“We do,” Yaz grinned.

“Ugh.” She scrunched her nose. “Right. Wish me luck fam. Or whatever you humans do.”

The Doctor left most of her half-finished meals and drinks on the table, only holding on to her orange juice. She made her way across the room and it wasn’t until she was a few metres from the woman that she truly looked at her. In the same moment, the woman looked up. The Doctor stopped, her chin dropped to the floor. _River_. It felt as though someone had ripped out her hearts and were continuously stomping on them.

“You’re not very smooth, are you?” River eyed her up and down, and at the sound of her voice the Doctor to lost control over her hand, letting her glass fall to the floor with a loud crash. River snorted out a laugh and pulled out the chair next to her. “Why don’t you sit down.”

T _he team was watching, curious to see what their friend would do. The Doctor had almost reached the woman, when she stopped. Ryan groaned._

_“You’re not very smooth, are you?” They were all on the brink of sighing, but the way the woman looked at the Doctor stopped them. Then she dropped her glass and they collectively face palmed._

_“She is such a disaster!” Yaz whispered, “It’s a wonder she got this far, really.” Graham frowned and lightly hit her arm._

_“No, look, she’s sitting down now,” he sounded like he didn’t believe his eyes._

_“How’d she manage that?” Ryan stared, “She just dropped her drink for no reason, most people don’t like that.”_

If she didn’t figure out she was the Doctor, it couldn’t be too dangerous, right? River offered her one of her drinks, and the Doctor accepted.

“What is it?”

“Why don’t you find out?” River smirked at her, filling the Doctor’s stomach with something warm and fuzzy, and her throat with something akin to razors. How she wished she could tell River who she was. They could run away with her Tardis, exploring all of time and space. But that could never work. To keep her tears from coming out, she lifted her new glass and sipped on the drink. Her first reaction was to scrunch up her face, she recognised this taste.

“Wine?”, she said. River smiled and nodded at her.

“You’re not a fan?” The Doctor knew she usually wasn’t, but this time was different and she took another sip.

“No, I like it. It’s excellent.” She smiled at River, remembering every detail of her face when she saw them in front of her again. The way her lips curled when she laughed, that sparkle in her eyes that no one could ever resist, the exact shape of her cheek and how it felt pressed up to hers, how her hair was all over the place all the time, yet still managed to look incredible.

“So, what brings you here?” River asked while she ordered another drink, prompting the Doctor to lie up a story about how she was visiting her friends, who were actually from here. Well that part wasn’t really a lie. The rest of it might have been a bit of an intense answer though. A little unbelievable, but not too much, right? Not enough to give her away?

_Yaz couldn’t keep from watching the two women, even as Graham mentioned they should give them some space. There was something different about the way the Doctor behaved, and she didn’t think it was just because of a crush. Normally, she couldn’t be still for more than five minutes, but now she’d sat next to this woman for a couple of hours. The side of her Yaz saw now was calmer than before, more serious. The pair were laughing and talking, but Yaz sensed the Doctor’s changed behaviour and attitude._  

_“Yaz, you okay?” Ryan seemed to be worried about her._

_“Yeah, no. I’m fine.” But then she glimpsed the woman tucking the Doctor’s hair behind her ear, and on her finger she saw something she wasn’t expecting. “Ryan,” she whispered, “Please tell me the Doctor’s crush isn’t wearing a wedding ring.” Both Ryan and Graham turned their heads towards the Doctor and the woman, shock flashing in their eyes._

_“No,” Graham said, “That’s a wedding ring, if I’m not mistaken.” They all looked at each other, not sure what to do._

_“Should we say something?” Yaz was panicking. She didn’t want the Doctor to fall in love with a stranger, much less a married stranger. That was just plain wrong, what if something happened!_

The wine must have been getting to her head, because she couldn’t stop looking at River’s lips.

“How do you do it?” She asked, leaving River blankly staring at her. “Keep the lipstick so perfect, I mean. When I tried it out I couldn’t do anything without smudging it.” She was pretty sure this was a tangent, this body seemed to like them, but River only chuckled.

“Magic.” The Doctor squinted a second, considering.

“That’s not an answer.” She pouted. “An answer might’ve been: _I always bring it with me, you know, as a precaution_. But I haven’t seen you putting it on, so that can’t be it…” Her voice died off. River smirked at her, making her hearts jump up and down and bump into each other like bouncing balls on a hillside.

“Why are you so interested in my lipstick.” River leaned in, her mouth close to the Doctor’s ear. The Doctor was pretty sure she was blushing now, but what can you do when your drop dead gorgeous wife is flirting with you?

“Don’t know.” She swallowed, “Any ideas?” Her question and tone were innocent (she hoped), but River raised her eyebrows and looked down in her drink, ever so slightly turning away from the Doctor. She straightened her back and caught the Doctor’s eyes.

“Oh, I can think of more than a few reasons,” she said with a low growl, _winking_. Saying the Doctor didn’t enjoy it would be a lie, but a part of her was jealous. A new feeling for this body. One she wasn’t particularly fond of. Of course she didn’t mind River being with other people, it just hurt when those other people were herself, disguised as a stranger. Was River really this easily charmed by other people? The Doctor really had to up her game when being around her… Not that she’d get a chance to, her times with River were over. But she might as well take advantage of this time. Before she got a chance to answer, River looked over her shoulder and chuckled. 

“You’re friends aren’t particularly smooth either.” Confused, the Doctor looked back at them. They were all different shades of alarmed. Graham looked as though he wanted to send her a message with his eyes, probably something close to “This is really a horrible idea Doc. We should go”, Ryan was gesticulating something that seemed to have the same meaning behind it, and Yaz was just staring at her. No, River. She was staring at River. The Doctor sighed, she couldn’t let them near River, but they obviously wanted something. She would have to go check on them.

“Would you excuse me for a minute?”

“But of course, dear.”

“Hi, fam. What’s the matter?” The Doctor tried really hard to sound as upbeat as possible. Yaz looked over to River, and then stared straight at the Doctor.

“We think she’s married!”, she whispered. Married? Well, they weren’t exactly wrong.

“Nah, it’s probably fine.” She smiled at them without meeting their eyes. “I’m sure she would’ve told me.” Her friends didn’t have to know everything about what was going on, not this time. Besides, it was hardly like she could tell them, not when River was so close by.

“But-“

“Right, I’m gonna go back there, don’t call for me. You know where to go if you need anything. And if you really, really need to talk to me,” the Doctor lowered her voice, “Please call me John Smith, okay?” She turned around and left them in the middle of their protests, waving her hand without looking back.

“Sorry, they’re a bit rude today. Really should know better. Yaz is even a police officer, did I tell you?” She smiled, locking eyes with River again.

“A police officer? Really?” River smirked. “Bet you love it, huh?”

“It has its perks.”

“The handcuffs, I’m imagining.” As every time River mentioned handcuffs, the Doctor started blushing, and she was just about to answer when River changed the topic, but she didn’t lose her flirtatious tone. The Doctor was at a point where she was doubting if River ever could lose it.

“Your friends are genuinely worried. You don’t often go out just to talk to strangers?”

“I’m making an exception.”

“Lucky me.” River took a sip of her drink, eyeing the Doctor again, like she couldn’t quite believe what she was seeing.

_“Right, I’m gonna go back there, don’t call for me. You know where to go if you need anything.” She left them with only a half-hearted wave as goodbye._

_“Can you believe her?” Yaz whispered, eyes wide and mouth open. But that shock was nothing in comparison with the one when they a second later were CLEARLY flirting. “I can’t believe her. We get her one date, who’s actually probably married, and she thinks she can do whatever she wants! John Smith? Yeah right…”_

It must be time to leave soon, and no matter how much she wanted to spend more time with River, she couldn’t.

“You said he lost his wife?” River’s question interrupted her thoughts.

“Yeah. First time I met them.”

“What was her name?” River’s hand touched hers, a comforting warmth spread from where they joined together.

“Grace.” Even though they were talking about Grace, it were thoughts about River that clouded the Doctor’s head. None of them said anything, but they sat comfortably in the silence. The Doctor didn’t know what had gotten into her, but she felt a need to ask.

“Have you ever been married?” She could hear River smile.

“Well, I am wearing a wedding ring, aren’t I,” she held up her hand, showing the Doctor the ring she had on her finger. The Doctor knew exactly what it looked like, but she studied it once again. It was a very beautiful green, with intricate patterns.

“It’s…” She gulped, “It’s really pretty.”

“My husband picked it out for me. Normally he has a despicable taste, but this isn’t all so bad.”

“I’m sure it wasn- isn’t that bad.” The logical part of her brain knew she shouldn’t be defending her previous fashion choices to River, but really, they weren’t _that_ bad.

“Trust me. It is,” she snickered. No doubt at old memories, with a big certainty ones involving a fez. “And what about you?”

“What about me, what?” The Doctor asked, desperately grasping for few more seconds to make up her mind. The responsible thing would be telling her no, but the Doctor was pretty sure she wouldn’t be able to be that responsible.

“You married?”

“Yeah. Long time ago.” River raised her eyebrows.

“You know that you couldn’t possibly be more than thirty-six, love.” Right, she wasn’t a white-haired Scotsman anymore.

“Erm, feels like forever. And you know what they say: time’s a construct anyways.”

“They say that?” As she talked, River leaned in so their faces were no more than a few inches apart. The Doctor had to fight the urge of closing the gap and kissing her. As if River knew what she was thinking, she winked, smiling fondly. It was impossible to see that smile and not smile yourself. And she didn’t just say that because it was her wife.

“Er, I say that. Not so sure about other people to be honest-”

“Your smile really is sweet.” River’s words warmed her face. “Sickly sweet.” She shivered. “But what can you expect.” River leaned even closer and her lips brushed the Doctor's cheek. “Sweetie.”

That one word threw the Doctor back on her seat. She stared at River’s face, her eyes were shimmering and she smirked smugly.

“You, you called me…” If a truck had crashed into her chest, this was how she’d imagine it to feel. River leaned back, smiling knowingly.

“Hello Sweetie.” The Doctor couldn’t do anything but gawk for a good ten seconds.

“River Song, you didn’t!” Her mouth was still open, “How long have you known?”

“Since you walked in here.”

“But, but, we can’t,” she gestured, pointing between them. The Doctor didn’t want to protest, but couldn’t help doing so anyway. “I’m not supposed to see you, I don’t even know where you are.”

“Sweetie, calm down.” River grasped the Doctors hand. “Time hasn’t ruptured yet, and we’ve been here for hours.” That actually helped, and the Doctor fell silent and instead beamed at River.

“You’re right. Sorry.” She took River’s hands in hers. “How you doing?”

“Oh you know, right now we’re sleeping. Darillium sure is an exhausting place.” Her eyes glittered.

“River Song, you are brilliant!”

“I’m not sure the Scottish one would agree if he knew of my little trips.”

“Oh, don’t mind him, I won’t tell if you don’t.” She raised her hand to feel River’s hair and gazed into her wife’s eyes. They were still for two seconds, breathing and holding onto each other. Then they crashed together. The Doctor’s lips on River’s. River’s arms thrown around the Doctor’s waist, the Doctor’s hands gone inside River’s hair. Time standing still, the whole world forgotten. After some time, their kiss morphed into something different, a heartfelt embrace, no thoughts of ever letting go.

“Darling.” At the sound of River’s voice the Doctor opened her eyes, looking up at her wife’s. “You should probably introduce me to your new friends, they’re looking a bit confused.”

“Just a mo’.” The Doctor stood on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on River’s nose. “There. Now come on.” She dragged her wife towards her friends.

_“Look, she’s showing the Doctor her ring now. We told her she was married!” Yaz wanted to roll her eyes, but she was to obsessed with watching the scene in front of her unfold. Graham and Ryan were also looking at the couple, Graham’s worry wrinkle clearly present._

_“What are they doing now?” Ryan said._

_“They can’t lean in like that! Is this allowed?” Yaz protested, “It’s like they’re going to kiss.” But before anyone else had time to react the Doctor jumped back._

_“Oh, finally she’s getting some sense-“_

_“Hello Sweetie.” They could hear the woman’s voice all the way from where they were sitting. They were expecting a reaction, but the Doctor couldn’t have moved less if she tried. And they would know, they had seen her trying._

_“Now I’m proper confused,” Ryan said, frowning at Yaz, but she was busy observing the Doctor, who had started waving her hands around. “What the hell is she doing,” he said as the woman grabbed on to the Doctor’s hand._

_“Oh no, this is bad.” Graham hid his face in his hands._

_“Graham, look, now the Doctor’s holding her hands,” Yaz said, but when she looked at him, he kept his eyes away from them, clearly distraught._

_“The Doctor’s got game, Yaz.” Ryan’s words lead to her quickly turning her head back to the Doctor and the woman. Now the Doctor had her hand in the other woman’s hair. God, what on earth and every other planet in the universe was she doing? Okay, it hadn’t actually been that bad Yaz decided, when the two of them suddenly turned into a mess of tangled limbs and oh my god they were most definitely kissing._

_“Graham, you probably don’t wanna hear this.” Her voice was surprisingly steady. “But now they’re kissing.” That caused Graham to sigh and shake his head and all of them just sat there in silence and disbelief. Yaz didn’t want to look at the Doctor and the Doctor’s crush. Or in other words: the married woman who had kissed Yaz’s crush, but she couldn’t avoid seeing the Doctor kissing the nose of the woman, in a way that looked way too domestic for a complete stranger. A second later and the Doctor was on her way to them, pulling the woman behind her._

“Hiya, team,” the Doctor said and River sneered lovingly, “Er, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” Yaz squinted at River.

“Right, and could that someone be the woman you’ve been flirting with for the past two hours?” The Doctor pressed her lips together, while still smiling. She thought it was this expression that Ryan once had described as a polite-cat-face.

“Actually, yes, but it’s not like you think…”

“Ah, well that’s good-” Graham said, and before he could finish, Ryan interrupted him.

“So she’s not married then?” The question was followed by a chuckle from River, but she quickly silenced herself in favour of answering.

“You figured out that I’m married?” She smirked at the Doctor. “They’re good, dear.”

“They’re brilliant!” The Doctor beamed at River, for a moment forgetting what she was supposed to tell her friends,

“So, you _are_ married?” Yaz said, while squinting ever so slightly, not letting River out of her sight for even a second. Yaz was smart, (and lovely, beautiful, and a great singer) and the Doctor was pretty sure she was suspecting that something more was going on. “And yet you’re here, kissing the Doctor.”

“Yaz,” the Doctor smiled, “It’s fine.” She was still holding River’s hand, and now she dragged her even closer, so they were practically leaning on each other. She glanced over at all her friends, preparing for her next sentence.

“This is professor River Song.” She took a breath and squeezed River’s hand. “My wife.”

Her _wife_? The Doctor had never mentioned being married. Yaz would’ve trusted herself to know if she had. So why had this River just turned up out of nowhere, destroying every last chance of Yaz ever getting together with the Doctor? Her first reaction, after the initial shock and the “oh dear god I think my heart punched a hole in my chest and is now trying to escape”, was suspicion. Entirely professional suspicion, of course. Completely based on the fact that she was a police officer and trained to spot incongruences, and not at all related to her personal feelings for the Doctor. This woman could be an alien, who had somehow convinced the Doctor that they were married. And her motive? Stealing the Tardis, or just breaking into the home that she’d supposed the Doctor owned? All these thoughts raced through Yaz’s head at a million miles per hour. But something with them didn’t sit right with her. It might be because River looked at the Doctor as though she was the centre of the universe. A look Yaz recognised, because it was one she too wore. And just like there was no way for her to ignore how deeply she felt it, there was no way to ignore how genuinely River meant it.

“Uhh,” Ryan started, “You’re… you’re married? I thought you’d lost all your family?”

The Doctor had suspected that revealing River to be her wife would lead to a hundred and five questions, and she wasn’t wrong. Well, she was a bit wrong, because she hadn’t expected Yaz to look so… utterly shaken.

“If you’re married, why didn’t you recognise each other?” Ryan’s brows furrowed as he continued asking questions. “Or are you like, very into roleplay or something?”

“Ryan!” Graham stage whispered, eyes wide with shock, but River only chuckled beside her.

“It’d be a lie to say no, but I’m afraid it’s not what happened.” Her hands found their way to the Doctors waist. “Although I’m certainly not opposed to letting it happen…” She pulled her so close they were basically one. The Doctor’s cheeks flushed and she quietly groaned over River’s never ending stream of innuendos. Not that she actually bothered, especially not when River’s body was pressed so close to hers and her hair tickling the Doctor’s neck.

“River, behave,” she tried to sound stern, but her voice betrayed her.

“Not a chance in hell.”

“I’m still not following,” Graham said, shaking his head, “If you’re the Doc’s wife, then why didn’t you just come up to us?”

“It’s sort of complicated,” the Doctor answered, “I usually show people a flowchart to illustrate it…”

“Uh, right. Well, you two better sit down then.”

“You actually have a flowchart?” River quietly asked her, “I thought you just say that to people so you don’t have to explain.”

“Course I do!”, the Doctor whispered, “You have your diary, I have my flowchart. That’s how it works.”

“Then why am I always the one who brings mine?”

“Because the flowchart is made for explaining.” She scrunched her nose up. “I can’t have it explaining your future to you. That’s my job!”

“Sweetie, that’s literally the opposite of what you’re supposed to do.”

The Doctor scrunched her nose, and shrugged a little.

“Maybe so.”


	2. Banter and Bridal Style Carrying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it’s banter. some feels. they’re gay. yeah that’s basically it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey yall! thanks so much for all the comments and kudos on the last chapter, i really appreciate it! <3<3  
> so this chapter is just a Lot of banter, which is always really fun to write lol. (also, it’s somehow like twice as long as i imagined it would be?? h o w ? ?) ohh, and please excuse how this is structured like… very much differently than the first chapter… idk what happened… also how it’s like three months late lol. luckily, i’ve basically finished the last two, so they should be up soon!
> 
> (also, info here - i changed the title from “a crush, a crash, and a couple” to “you’re not very smooth, are you?” because idk i just really wasn’t digging it.)
> 
> (another thing, my last minute edit might've made it all really weird, but just roll with it lol)

The table was sized for four people, which led the Doctor to throw her legs over River’s lap, hand tangled in her hair. Although both of those probably had more to do with the fact that she hadn’t seen her wife in years. Decades, to be precise. Not that they didn’t fit around the table. She had discarded her coat and left it hanging behind her. Her head rested on River’s shoulder. She looked at her friends.

“You heard we’re married,” they nodded, “thing is, we tend to meet in the wrong order.” The Doctor absentmindedly twirled one of River’s curls. “So we never really know where in their timeline the other one is.”

“That’s why I keep a diary, and why she _apparently_ has a flowchart. Obviously, we can’t let us know anything about our future,” River filled in, “Because that leads to all sorts of nasty paradoxes.” She chuckled. “For example, had I told the Doctor she should be more careful when landing at the bottom of the ocean, I’d never gotten to experience the glorious moment when she walked right into a whale shaped rock, tripped, and fell so far she ended up outside of the Tardis’s protective air shield. And then had to swim back, chased by about a hundred furious jellyfishes.”

“ _Oi_ , you!” The Doctor’s head jerked up, mouth wide open and her nose scrunched, and she gently elbowed her wife. “I thought we weren’t going to talk about that!” But River only smiled, subtly biting her lower lip, as her as the rest of her friends laughed.

“Or that time you set off all of the alarms in my office…” River smirked and the Doctor swallowed at the memories of that… incident.

“Maybe we could, uh, leave that for later, River,” she managed to stutter.  Really, this was neither the time nor place to mention it. Her face burned and she strongly suspected that her cheeks had reddened to the colour of River’s lipstick.

“Is that a promise?” River raised her eyebrows, looking at her expectantly. The Doctor gazed back, but neither of them said anything else.

“So, where’s your office then,” said Graham with a barely noticeable voice crack, seemingly determined to change the topic of their conversation into something a little bit more appropriate. The Doctor grabbed a glass of orange juice and gulped down half of it in the span of a second.

“On the moon,” River said. “Beautiful window view, if I may say so myself.”

“But there’s nothing on the-” Ryan frowned. “Wait, nevermind. I know this. It’s in the future?”

“It is indeed.” River smiled.

“You were a professor, right?” Yaz queried, “What are you a professor of? What do you do?”

“Archeology. Never could resist a tomb.” River smirked and the Doctor scoffed so lightly it was barely audible. “But nowadays I teach a little.” River chuckled. “At least I did before the Doctor decided to finally take my on that date she’s promised for decades. _Centuries_ for her if I’m not all mistaken.” Her look puzzled. “I suppose I won’t get back to Luna university for a while.”

“Why’s that?” Yaz tilted her head as she studied River.

“One hell of a date,” River answered. The Doctor beamed.

“I hope it was worth the wait,” she said, smile growing a tiny bit sad.

“It better be.”

“I still don’t get it.” Ryan sighed. “I mean, I understand you can’t tell each other about the future. Paradoxes, radiation disasters, giant floods and all that. But why wouldn’t you be able to see each other?” The Doctor lightly squeezed River’s arm and leaned in to rest again her head on River’s shoulder.

“Because our time’s up.” She took a breath. “The last time we were supposed to meet, for real, was on Darillium.” She smiled. “That’s a planet. Got these really brilliant towers. Great restaurant.”

“The best view,” said River dreamily.

“But, if that changes, we could alter how events play out. We might interfere with our own history.”

“Like with my Nan?” said Yaz.

“Exactly.” The Doctor nodded enthusiastically. “Only, potentially a lot more... _deadly_ to the universe. It’s all very confusing, and _very_ annoying!”

“How come you’re both here, then?” Graham asked, and River lit up. A self-assured smile took over as she focused on the team.

“You know how the Tardis travels in time and space?” They all nodded. “Let’s just say I’m on my way home to Darillium, from a… business trip, so to speak, and I decided to stop by Sheffield on my way home.”

“No offense,” Ryan said, “but why would you come here, of all places?”

“Needed a drink. Nostalgia. Anonymous tip. Take your pick.” River smirked.

\------------

“You can fly the Tardis?” Yaz asked.

“Phenomenally.” Yaz was taken aback by this new information, but the Doctor scrunched her nose, seemingly holding back a scoff.

“What’s the matter, sweetie?” River raised an eyebrow at the Doctor.

“It doesn’t even make the noise!”

“You know it’s not supposed to make the noise,” said River, as if they’d had this argument a thousand times.

“That’s beside the point, you _know_ I like the noise! It’s my favourite part of landing!”

“No dear, it’s not,” River countered and lovingly tucked a strand of hair behind the Doctor’s ear. “ _Your_ favourite part is opening the doors and running out completely unprotected, without doing any environment controls whatsoever.”

“It spoils the surprise!”

“I’m not saying it doesn’t.” River smirked. “I’m saying it’s your favourite part. But when I do the same…”

“It’s dangerous!” the Doctor exclaimed.

“I do know how to take care of myself dear. Unlike you.”

“I know. Still, you could get hurt! We can’t have a universe with a hurt River Song!” Those words punched Yaz in the chest.The effect similar to when time she’d ended up with an airbag in her face during her first week at the police. For a moment she struggled to breathe. _No Yaz. We can’t have a universe with no Yaz!_ Her face dropped. Thankfully she got herself together before Ryan and Graham glanced over at her.

“It’s a little too late for that, Doctor,” River mumbled under her breath, so low Yaz wasn’t sure if she’d imagined it. She was fairly sure this was the first time she’d heard River actually call the Doctor, Doctor.

\------------

River stared into her eyes, and the Doctor hearts tumbled to the floor. With the hand that had previously rested in River’s hair she instead took her wife’s hand, squeezing it in hers.

“I know River, and I’m sorry. Truly,” she whispered

“It’s really not all your fault, sweetie.”

“A lot of it is.” She didn’t break eye contact. River had been through so many awful things. Serving a prison sentence for a crime she’d hardly committed was only one of them. The Doctor wanted her to know she was sorry for all of it. She leaned in so their foreheads rested on each other’s. “River, without me, your life could’ve been so much better.” Her voice trembled at the thought of never having met River, but she continued. “Your parents, your childhood… You could’ve even had siblings.” She chuckled. “Can you imagine that, more Ponds? D’you think they’d be ginger? Their name could probably not be Pond if they weren’t.” River laughed and sat up straight, clearly amused.

“Their name wouldn’t be Pond, sweetie. It would be Williams.” Her voice lost the bantering tone. “And don’t you forget, I probably wouldn’t even exist if it weren’t for you. And I certainly wouldn’t be me. Living my whole life in Leadworth… A childhood there was enough, thank you very much.”

“Aw, I bet you could get up to lots of trouble, even in Leadworth!”

“Believe me, I did.”

\------------

What the couple were saying probably made a lot of sense to the both of them, but they had lost Yaz basically before they even opened their mouths. She got that they were talking about River’s childhood, and that the Doctor was somehow involved in it. That, and something about a place called Leadworth. The rest however… It was like trying to understand what someone was saying on the phone, but the phone was inside a microwave and your entire house was about to explode. Or at least something like that. Her metaphors had turned really weird in the last few months, and she completely blamed the Doctor.

“Er, Doc…” Graham cleared his throat, and the Doctor and River turned their heads towards him. “I don’t mean to intrude, but what are you talking about?”

“Oh, you’re not intruding Graham!” The Doctor shook her head lightly, “He’s not, right? River?” It was adorable how she made sure her wife didn’t feel differently. The word wife in connection to the Doctor and River was bittersweet. Bitter because of reasons she hadn’t admitted to herself before, and certainly couldn’t do now, and sweet because of how obviously married they were. How well they knew each other’s quirks, and how sure they seemed of their affection for one another.

“No, you’re not,” River smiled at Graham. Careful not to let her eyes rest on the Doctor for longer than she should, Yaz turned to Ryan as River spoke again. “No worries. You’re not even half as forward as my mother was when she met me like this for the first time.”

“When you met your…” Graham’s voice died out, and Ryan squinted and his eyebrows furrowed, probably mirroring Yaz’s expression. This River Song was a mystery for sure. She could see why the Doctor liked her, even though they seemed so different at first glance. And these timelines they talked about… They must apparently be quite long and full of… time travel stuff. Meeting in the wrong order. Paradoxes. Those things, Yaz assumed.

“Like I said.” The Doctor scrunched her nose. “A flowchart does wonders.”

“Could you just…” Ryan shook his head. “Slow down and start from the beginning?”

“Which one?” River nodded at the Doctor, “Mine or hers?” Yaz again caught the way River looked at the Doctor. Now she understood the many years of affection behind it. Years that according to the look in both their eyes clearly hadn’t been enough.

“Or the beginning of the universe? Bit of a long story though, takes a while to get to where we want…” the Doctor rambled.

“Yours,” Yaz said while looking at the Doctor, who met her eyes with a big smile.

“As you wish, Yaz.”

\------------

“I guess my beginning kind of starts when I crashed my Tardis just post-regeneration.”

“Regeneration, that’s that glowy thing, yeah?” Ryan said.

“Yes it is, five points to Ryan.” The Doctor beamed. “Regeneration is also the reason why I thought River wouldn’t recognize me now. I’ve changed my appearance… quite drastically, since the last time I saw her.”

“And what a change, dear,” River whispered in her ear. All the hairs on the Doctor’s neck reached for the sky.

“Hadn’t you just regenerated when we met you?” Yaz asked. “When you crashed into the train.”

“Ye-“ the Doctor started, but her wife cut her off, tone now very different from her last remark.

“ _You crashed into a train?_ ” River sighed. “It’s a wonder you haven’t destroyed her completely, sweetie. _And_ yourself.”

“Oh. The Tardis. Yeah. Definitely crashed with my Tardis, didn’t I team…” The Doctor grinned awkwardly. She hoped her face said “Please don’t mention I fell through the earth’s atmosphere without my spaceship. Then lost it and got stranded there”. Not easily accomplished, but they seemed to get the gist of it. But River understood what their silence meant.

“You mean to say _you_ were the one to crash into a train, not Tardis?” The Doctor swallowed another mouthful orange juice.

“Well, I didn’t really mean to say-“

“Sweetie, stop. I knew of your ability to get into trouble when I married you. Nothing you do surprises me anymore.” The Doctor slightly scrunched her nose and watched River.

“Really? _Nothing?_ Because I can think of quite a few surprising things I could-” Graham coughed.

“You were telling us about how you crashed,” he said.

“Oh, right you are.” The Doctor leaned down to rest against River’s shoulder again. “Thattime it was in the garden of Scottish little girl called Amelia. Beautiful red hair. Scary mysterious crack in her wall. And really delicious fish fingers!” She licked her lips. “And custard. Anyways, I promised I’d take her for a trip. I just had to do a five-minute jump to stabilise. Ended up being a little more than five minutes in the end…”

“Try twelve years.” River cut in, addressing the team.

“Twelve years?” Yaz stared at the Doctor, eyes piercing into hers.

“Oops..?” She smiled sheepishly.

“And during that time,” River continued, “Amelia kept talking about the ‘Raggedy Doctor’. I think almost everyone in Leadworth knew of her. Well, him, back then.” River’s hand was now in the Doctor’s hair, tracing her ear cuff. “Though she never mentioned you were hot, dear.”

“Hold up, how do you know? You were there?” Ryan said, pointing at River.

“I was.”

“And if you will let me continue, we’ll get to that part soon,” said the Doctor, “So, when I came back I met older Amelia, well Amy, actually. She changed her name. But yeah, I met her and her boyfriend Rory, saved the world a little, no biggie.”

“And then you left them _again_ , for two years,” said River.

“I didn’t mean to! I was newly regenerated!”

“To be honest, i think it’s rather a miracle it was only two years,” said Graham, “If you think about the fact that the amount of tries it took for us to get back to Sheffield was definitely in the double digits…”

“I am actually a very good driver, I’ll have you know!” the Doctor huffed, pouting at her friends.

“If you’re a good driver, then there aren’t words for how fantastic I am,” River teased.

“You’re cheating,” the Doctor grumbled.

“How do you cheat at driving, dear?”

“ _You_ can cheat at anything. Besides, she loves you,” the Doctor said as she pointed at her wife. “It’s always smooth sailing whenever you’re driving.”

“Well, I can’t help it if the Tardis wants to give me some motherly guidance…”

“Okay, what are you actually on about?” said Ryan, at the same time as Graham said:

”Why would the Tardis give you motherly guidance? That doesn’t even… It’s a ship!” River laughed, and took a sip from the glass the Doctor still held in her hand.

“She’s not just a ship, Graham!” the Doctor blurted out, slightly offended.

“It’s a tiny bit complicated,” said River, focusing on Graham.

“Complicated how?” asked Yaz, who squinted a little, doing her “I am PC Khan and no mystery is too hard to solve”-face.

“Complicated in the way that I was conceived in the Tardis, so now she has some motherly instincts.”

“That’s not really all that complicated?” said Yaz.

“Did I forget that the time vortex changed my DNA, so it’s similar to the Time Lords?”

“What, you can do that regeneration thing too?” Ryan asked.

“I could, yeah.”

“What do you mean you could?” Yaz frowned.

“I used all my remaining ones to save that idiot from dying,” said River. At the words ‘that idiot’, she nodded her head towards the Doctor. The Doctor exhaled sharply, a high pitched “ _hah_ ” sound emanating from her throat.

“You were the one who very nearly killed me!” she protested. “No, not killed, murdered. You tried to _murder_ me!” The Doctor pointed at River, her fingertip only a few centimeters from the tip of Rivers nose. “I don’t think you can call me an idiot for being on the brink of dying. Not that time.” Unable to resist, she bopped her wife’s nose, and River beamed back at her, expression only slightly sarcastic.

“Hang on just a second,” said Graham, “Did you just say she tried to _murder_ you? Was that just me?” He looked at Ryan and Yaz. “That’s really what she said, wasn’t it?”

“Defo.” Ryan looked at River, his expression more guarded than before.

“ _Yes_ ,” Yaz dragged out the word, eyes darting between River and the Doctor. The Doctor swallowed. It was always _terrifically_ great when people found out about River’s tendencies for assassination. Although she supposed she would have to blame herself this time, since she was the one who brought it up.

“It was all a bit of a misunderstanding,” tried the Doctor, but she doubted her voice sounded very convincing.

“How can an assassination attempt be a misunderstanding?” said Yaz.

“Well, first and foremost she had poison,” the Doctor babbled, “I was _not_ on the same page about the poison! The guns - yes! The poisoned lipstick? _No_ , I was not understanding that. In fact, I was highly misunderstanding that!”

“Doc, slow down,”  said Graham with a headshake, “You’re only confusing me even more.”

“What she means by misunderstanding is that I was brainwashed to kill her,” said River, stealing the team’s looks.

“You were brainwashed?” Yaz carefully asked. The Doctor smiled at her soft tone.

“I was,” River confirmed. “My entire childhood was basically them training me to kill her, and convincing me the Doctor was a criminal who had to be executed.”  
“To be fair, I have broken quite a few laws over the years,” the Doctor pointed out.

“I don’t get it,” said Ryan, ignoring her. “Weren’t you born in the Tardis?”

“Oh, no,” River shook her head. “My mother was kidnapped before I was born.” All of them fell quiet.

“Right.” Graham broke the silence. “That fits with that thing you said about meeting your mum earlier,” He looked at River with his grandpa-face. “You’ve now been adopted as a grandchild. Don’t like it? Tough luck mate, now you have a grandfather,” it said. In her head it sounded passive aggressive in her head, but in reality, it softened his features and made you feel safe. It was the same look he always had when looking at Ryan, after Grace… After she died. The same look she had caught him directing at her once or twice, when she’d subconsciously hinted that she wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It equally annoyed her, and glad someone emotionally had her back. Not that she could have dumped her past troubles on him. He didn’t deserve that. She _had_ considered talking to him about River, because he almost would’ve understood. But then so much other stuff had happened. And if she were honest, she had avoided it, hoping that would make it hurt less.

“It does, yes,” said River.

“Who was she? Your mother?” The Doctor shook her thoughts out of her head to answer Graham.

“Didn’t I tell you?” She scrunched up her nose. “She’s Amy and Rory’s daughter.”

“But, didn’t you live in that…” Ryan frowned. “That town, when they were kids?”

“I did.”

“But, you weren’t even born yet!”

“Time travel, remember,” River whispered with a smirk. “It messes up your childhood.”

“I can imagine,” Yaz mumbled.

“It has its perks, though.” River chuckled. “Not everyone gets a chance to wingman their parents. Or sneak around their wedding.”

“Oh, that was brilliant! Especially the dancing!” the Doctor smiled as she recollected her memories of it.

“Talking about brilliant, I think you proposed to me after the wedding?” Even though the Doctor wasn’t looking at River, she could physically feel her smirk.

“You got engaged after your parents wedding?” Yaz asked.

“Not really, no,” said the Doctor, “We didn’t actually properly do the engagement thing. It was kind of a… stressful situation.”

“But she said you proposed?”

“I asked her if she was married!” the Doctor exclaimed.

“So naturally, I asked if she was asking,” River said. “How else is a girl supposed to react?”

“And? What did you say?” Ryan forced the question, as if he already knew what her answer would be.

“Yes.” They all groaned. “What? That is a completely normal reaction!”

“Sure it is, let’s pretend you weren’t head over heels in love with me already.” All except the Doctor laughed, but she smiled. Having her wife and fam having a laugh at her behalf might not be her idea of the perfect day, but at least they were all there. _River_ was here, and she was laughing and making jokes. Flesh and blood. Flirting and breathing, and _alive_.

\------------

“When did you actually get married, then?” Yaz said, eager to find out as much as she could about this relationship. She’d realised the Doctor hardly ever talked about her past, except brief mentions of famous personas. Like Pythagoras or Agatha Christie. And she was desperate to learn more about her. She wanted to know _her_ , not just all her previous adventures. Even if learning more about her meant hearing things that left her with an uncomfortable feeling of… well, a broken heart.

“Oh, that is still quite some time away I’m afraid,” River said. “For her, not me of course.”

“Yeah, we still have to face the silence.”

“The silence?” Ryan frowned. “What’s that?”

“No offense Doctor, but I’m guessing that was a bit hard for you…” Yaz tried to keep a straight face but failed when River burst out laughing.

“C’mon Yaz, I’m great at staying quiet!” the Doctor said and left her mouth open, looking deeply offended.

“You’re really not,” said Yaz at the same time as River said:

“No you’re not sweetie. Especially not in this body.”

“Oi!” The Doctor scrunched her nose. “I have a lot of things to say!”

“And I have a lot of ideas of how to keep you from talking…” River purred. Graham awkwardly cleared his throat.

\------------

“What is the silence, then?” said Ryan, “Cause you probably don’t mean actual literal silence?”

“Yeah, no. You’re right about that.” The Doctor nodded. “In short, they’re a religious order dedicated to killing me. But that time we encountered them, it was to rescue this girl they had captured. We actually got hired by the president. Sort of hired, at least.”

“Why did _the president_ hire you for that?” Graham asked.

“When she says hired, she really means she parked us in the Oval Office, eavesdropped on a conversation between the president and the man he _actually_ meant to employ, and then managed to get herself out of trouble by solving their problem.”

“Nothing wrong with that, it’s how I’m always hired,” said the Doctor.

“I’m still lost on why the president would hire anyone, unless he was, I don’t know, related to the girl?” said Ryan, looking at her for an answer. But it was River, not the Doctor, who answered.

“Trust me, they’re not.” She made a face, and the Doctor chuckled. “The reason the president knew about this abduction is because the girl kept calling his office.”

“Isn’t that a private number, or a secure channel or something,” said Yaz, “How could she do that?”

“She had a space suit,” said the Doctor.

“Of course,” Graham mumbled, “Why didn’t we guess, that explains everything….”

“Did you rescue her?” Yaz asked, apparently deciding she wasn’t going to get a sensical answer out of the Doctor.

“No.” The Doctor swallowed, clutching River’s hand in hers under the table. “No, we didn’t. She escaped by herself. Really strong, that one.”

“Do you know what happened to her?” asked Yaz, frowning slightly. “Where she ended up?”

“We do have a… pretty good idea,” said River and the Doctor snuffled out a laugh before it turned to a sob. She knew very well where River ended up. All too well. She knew what was coming for her wife, and she had already done all she could to save her.

“And where’s that?” said Ryan.

“Luna University.” River managed to keep her face straight. “At least for the time being.”

“Isn’t that the university you teach at?” Ryan wondered. “Or am I even more lost than I thought?”

“It certainly is.” River nodded, and in the corner of the Doctor’s eye, Yaz squinted once more.

“It’s you, isn’t it?” she said quietly. “You… you were that little girl?”

“I was, yeah,” River said as the Doctor bit back a proud smile. She usually wasn’t very fond of the police, they kept getting in the way. And shooting people, that too. But Yaz, she was clever and thoughtful and very much not like the police officers the Doctor usually had to deal with.

“That…” Graham frowned for a second. “That actually makes sense, I guess.”

“At least not any less sense than all the other stuff,” Ryan mumbled.

\------------

They stayed in the bar for quite a while, which allowed Yaz, and Graham and Ryan, to acquaint themselves with River. When she first met her, Yaz had been suspicious, but as she got to know her, she grew fascinated with the woman. Her confidence and ability to turn everything into an innuendo. A truly astonishing skill. But also the way that she gazed at the Doctor when she was rambling on about something. Like custard creams. With a small smile and gentle eyes. Yaz was sure that that look was not even meant for the Doctor, at least not in the same way that her flirty remarks and seducing smile were. It was more than that, it was the genuine reflection of her love for the Doctor. Or, Yaz was reading too much into all of this. After all, she suspected, against the sensibility of her mind, that River was subtly flirting with her. Something which wasn’t very likely when she literally was sat right next to her wife, sneaking light kisses all over her head, neck and shoulders whenever the situation presented itself.

\------------

As the night went on and drew to a close, the Doctor’s thoughts grew more and more restless. She had not expected to ever see her wife again, and yet here she was. The question was only for how long. She dreaded the moment the staff would tell them to leave, because she had no idea what would happen after that. That could very well be the signal River waited for to get back to the Doctor on Darillium. To her past self. Like the clock got closer and closer to lockup, she got closer and closer to River. She knew that River’s departure would hurt even more if she accustomed herself to being able to snuggle her nose into her wife’s neck, but in the present, not snuggling up was the option that hurt. So she decided she would have to deal with it later. After all, allowing yourself to experience the good even if you feared the bad that was to follow was what she was all about. In theory, at least. She’s found it was very hard to live up to what she preached. But, shoot for the stars, right?

“Excuse me, I’m afraid we’re closing in a couple of minutes.” Determined not to let her friends, or River, catch a glimpse of the despair in her eyes, she jumped out of her seat.

“No problem, we were getting going anyway, right fam?” She grabbed hold of her coat and while River and her friends got up, she put it on. “Ready to go?” she questioned, burying her hands inside her pockets so that they wouldn’t notice just how clenched they were. She thought she was doing quite well hiding any and all signs that she wasn’t ready for a goodbye.

They stepped out of the warmth and into the darkness of a Sheffield spring night. The cold night provided some comfort for the Doctor, fresh air always made her head feel clearer.

“I parked right by the corner over there!” She pointed, and quickly glanced at the others. All except River looked as unsure as she hoped she didn’t. She debated whether or not she should ask if her fam wanted to stay in Sheffield over the night. Yaz might want to see her family, and Graham and Ryan might want to… eat a home cooked meal? Check up on that video thing Ryan liked so much? However, before she had decided, River spoke.

“I must say, I can’t wait to see how she’s redecorated.” The Doctor cracked a smile when River placed her hand on her arm. Luckily, it seemed like there still was time until they had to go separate ways.

“Let’s go then dear, shall we?” She held out her arm to the side, just like people do in old-timey movies, and River adjusted her grip.

The Doctor and River reached the Tardis, her fam walking quite a bit after them. Either they had decided to give them some space, or the Doctor’s legs were longer than she’d initially thought. River gently touched the Tardis door.

“Oh, you’re just marvellous, aren’t you?” she said and it swinged open. Behind them someone said “Why does she even need a key if it just opens whenever it wants?”, which the Doctor ignored because the light from inside lit up River’s face, leaving her glowing and even more dazzling than before. The Doctor smiled tenderly. River turned her head towards her, and caught the look on her face. She retracted her arm, instead pushing a strand of the Doctor’s hair behind her ear.

“I’ve missed you, sweetie” She leaned in and pecked the Doctor’s lips.

“You literally live with me, River,” the Doctor pointed out, tiny bit stunned from the light kiss. She gulped and tried to steady herself by leaning against the Tardis. Unfortunately, she forgot that the doors had opened. She stumbled inside, somehow managing not to fall completely. River stepped inside, eyebrow raised at her wife.

“I’m fine,” the Doctor declared. “I just needed to check the… err, the internal gravitation. Yes. That’s it. Internal gravitation.”

“Of course…” The Doctor ignored the implication in River’s voice, because really, she hadn’t even tried to convince her. Not that it would’ve made any difference, if she knew her wife right.

“So, what do you think?” she said as River looked around while taking a few steps forward.

“I think.” They were very close now. “I think that I’d love to get to know… a few other rooms, before I form an opinion.” She sneaked her hands under the Doctor’s coat and around her waist. That was the precise moment her friends decided to come bursting in. They stopped just inside, only a few feet from where the Doctor and River stood staring into each other’s eyes, neither of them moving a muscle.

“Hey, Doc, we’re just gonna leave you two alone…” said Graham awkwardly. When she didn’t answer he shook his head and dragged Ryan and Yaz past them

“Honestly, get a room,” mumbled Ryan, just as they disappeared out of sight, into the corridor that led to their rooms. It probably wasn’t meant for their ears, but the Doctor couldn’t help she had exceptional hearing.

“Excellent idea, Ryan,” River said, loudly enough for the three humans to hear. “In fact, that's exactly what I was planning to do.”

“ _River!_ ”

“Doc I don’t think we needed to know that!” Graham shouted from the corridor.

“Sorry Graham!” she shouted back, but then immediately forgot everything but the fact that her wife was standing _right there_ when River pulled her closer. “I’ve missed you,” whispered the Doctor.

“And I you, my love.”

“You do know that-”

“And don’t you dare mention the fact that yes, I am currently living with you,” she said. “That is entirely irrelevant.”

“I wasn’t going to!” said the Doctor and River raised an eyebrow. “Okay maybe but-”

“Hush, sweetie.” River shut her up by pressing their lips together. Sometimes their kisses left the Doctor unable to determine how much time had passed, but this time she was painfully aware that it had only been thirty two and a half seconds when River scooped her up. She gasped.

“ _River_ ,” the Doctor hissed, “what are you doing?”

“Only taking your friend’s advice, dear,” she said with a playful smirk.

“River,” the Doctor pouted, “I am perfectly capable of walking on my-”

“And I am perfectly capable of carrying you,” River insisted as she walked off in the direction of the Doctor’s bedroom. “Even more so now that you’re shorter than me.”

“ _Fine_. But just this once!” said the Doctor, but the longer she spent in River’s arms the more she realised she actually wouldn’t have anything against River picking her up whenever she wanted. Something she definitely wouldn’t admit to her wife, though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> rightidokey, i hope yall appreciated it!  
> also, how the actual heck have i written close to 10 000 words on this fic? that’s like the most words i’ve written on anything, ever! (okay, not really, but definitely the longest i’ve sort of finished.)


	3. soft wives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> river and yaz have a chat, and river and the doctor are soft and incredibly married

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, it’s sort of an eternity later, and chapter three is up! this is a bit shorter than the other two, aka like actually a length that makes sense lmao.
> 
> oh, right, i always find it sort of weird reading scenes in the tardis kitchen, idk why really, it just feels w r o n g a lot of the time, but i actually liked what i did with it now lol

Someone’s warm breath tickled River’s neck, and she dazedly opened her eyes and found herself face to face with a snoring Doctor. Smiling, she blinked the sleep out of her eyes and pushed the soft covers off herself, which didn’t require much effort since the Doctor had hoarded most of it on her side. How she had managed to do that when she was pressed up against and had her arm slung over River’s waist was a mystery. Carefully, she picked up the Doctor’s hand and put it down on the bed, releasing her to get up without disturbing her wife. When she sat up on the edge of the bed, she glanced back at the Doctor. Her hair looked messier than it had ever done before, and her face had a slight flush to it. The Doctor always said she didn’t need as much sleep as other people, so therefore, finding her in the state she was in now was always a delightful surprise. One River suspected she’d never grow tired of, no matter the regeneration. And for someone who supposedly hardly slept, she seemed to sleep an awful lot whenever River was around. She reached out a hand to stroke some of the Doctor’s hair out of her face, kissing her forehead in passing. She shifted in her sleep, little content sounds emanating from her, and River beamed at her wife.  
  
When she came out of the bathroom after a quick shower, the Doctor was still asleep. Attempting not to wake her up, River left the dim lighting as she ransacked the drawers for clothes. It was a shame that this Doctor’s clothes were a tad too small for her, because she would have loved to borrow some of them. Surely not for the not so impeccable fashion choices her wife made, but rather for the fact that they would smell of her, and remind her that the Doctor was now not only her husband, but also her wife. She cast a glance at her, and found she had spread herself out over the bed. River chuckled, remembering a time a few months back when the Doctor who was currently on Darillium had made almost that exact pose in his sleep. Some things never changed, and apparently taking up the entire bed was one of those.  
  
As she made her way to the kitchen, dressed in a white button up shirt that the Doctor’s previous regeneration had worn, (apparently her wife hadn’t had time to clean out her closet yet, to River’s luck) which was quite big on her, and a pair of pyjamas bottoms in a Tardis blue shade, she studied the new layout of the Tardis. It was sort of cosy, but at the same time it seemed… inconvenient? From what she could remember, the console room didn’t have anywhere to sit, or even lean, if you didn’t count those crystals. But knowing her wife, there was probably a button that when pressed caused seats and unidentifiable things to hold on to to unfold everywhere and anywhere.  
  
The kitchen door already stood half-open, the scent of some sort of tea escaping through it. It seemed one of the Doctor’s new friends was a morning person. Or they were just having a hard time sleeping, something River could understand. It had mostly been when she was younger though, and still haunted by her childhood’s monsters, and hardly ever on the Tardis. She pushed open the door and stepped inside. At the sight of the room, she chuckled. Of course it looked like this. At first glance, most people probably wouldn’t be able to tell it was a kitchen. The alien and very high-tech kitchenware was mostly pushed to the sides, leaving place in the middle of the room for a couple of low tables, surrounded by bean bags, poufs, and cushions in all shapes, sizes, and colours. She even spotted the occasional sofa. It was on one of those, a purple one, she found Yasmin; slumped against the cushions, hair in a messy bun on top of her head, and eyes fixed on an enormous cup of tea placed in the table in front of her. From what River could tell, she hadn’t noticed River had entered the room. On her way towards Yaz she quickly grabbed a cup of her own.  
  
“Hello there,” she said as she carefully sat herself down next to Yaz on the sofa. Yaz winced and jerked her head towards River.

“Oh,” she mumbled when she recognised who it was. “Hi.” She turned her head back to her tea, tucked her feet under herself and hugged her legs. She looked a tiny bit miserable, and River was pretty sure she knew why. “I wasn’t really expecting anyone else to come here.”

“It’s almost morning by now,” deciding not to push her to talk about what was on her mind just yet, River instead sipped on her tea, “I think they’re all going to drop in for breakfast sooner or later.”

“It’s almost morning?” Yaz frowned and sighed. “There goes my good night of sleep,” she mumbled to herself.

“How long have you been up?” River asked, studying Yaz’s clamped grip on her tea.

“More or less since I went to bed.” Yaz shrugged. “Most nights I have a cup of tea with...” Her voice died and she shook her head. “Anyway, I sort of got stuck here and lost track of time.” River nodded, drinking her tea as she pondered over what to say next. She didn’t want to force this conversation on Yasmin, but she supposed she had to, since her wife clearly hadn’t.

“I don’t think she’s quite as oblivious as she has you believe,” said River.

“What do you mean?” Yaz frowned and shuffled in her seat. it wasn’t hard to see she knew exactly what River was talking about.

“I mean she probably knows how you feel about her.”

“It’s that obvious?” Yaz sighed and looked away from River, who smiled lightly.

“Don’t worry, it isn't that bad.”

“You noticed.” Yaz turned her head back towards River. “Who’s to say everyone else haven’t too?”

“Everyone else haven’t also had a crush on the Doctor,” River pointed out. “Though a surprising amount of people have.“ She leaned back in her seat. “I know what it’s like to fall in love with a person who has seen so much of the universe that you think you couldn’t possibly measure against all it’s wonders. How could someone like that ever see you as anything more than just another person amongst billion others. How could such a person ever love anything that isn’t as astounding as a supernova. And even if she seems to marvel at the smallest of things...” River chuckled. “She always does. Yet, she seems oblivious to the fact that someone could look at her with that same marvel.”

“Can you just come up with stuff like that at any given moment?” said Yaz. She had placed her tea on the table and moved so that she was turned towards River. “Like the Doctor can make up a speech on the spot?” River chuckled.

“She still does that, then? I can imagine it. Someone starts killing people and she stares them down even though they’re five feet taller than her and blurts out something brilliant about how we don’t have the right to decide who deserves to live and who deserves to die.”

“Basically, yeah.” Yaz said with a smile that transformed into a slight frown. “How come you’re so chill about all this?”

“You crushing on my wife?”

“Yeah.”

“You heard how complicated our relationship is, it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to restrict ourselves to love only each other. Besides, the obsession with monogamy isn’t as widespread in the universe as 21th century humans believe.” River smirked. “Most people and planets are a lot more flexible and inclusive than Earth is right now.”

“Yeah, Earth isn’t really the most accepting place,” Yaz agreed.

“It wasn’t when I grew up there either.” River shook her head. “They get better though, in time.” The conversation that followed covered both River’s and Yaz’s experiences with bigoted humans, spoken as one bisexual to another.

“I better go wake up the Doctor,” said River as she scooped her empty teacup from the table and stood up. “Your other friends are bound to come here soon, and she won’t be glad if she finds out I’ve let it slip that she does, in fact, sleep.”

“Yeah no, I don’t think I’ve ever heard her say she’s going to sleep.” Yaz’s body language did a 180 and she smiled sadly. “She did sleep when we met her though, but that was just after she... regenerated? That’s what it’s called, right? And when she was hit by that sonic mine...”

“Time Lords usually heal themselves as they sleep, sometimes they can even go into a healing coma and as they do, they look almost dead to the world.”

“Good to know,” Yaz mumbled and River thoughtfully bit her lip.

“You do know that she cares about you, don’t you?”

“She cares about all of us,” Yaz scoffed, “Says she has a ‘Duty of Care’, whatever that’s supposed to mean.”

“Of course she says.” River rolled her eyes. “I meant that she cares about you in a different way than she does about the others.” Yaz raised her eyebrows as if she doubted River’s statement.

“In a, not strictly platonic, way,” she continued.

“You really think so?”

“Call it a wife’s intuition.” She dumped her cup in what she presumed was either a dishwasher or a very fancy coffee maker, made her way to the door, turned, smirked, and said, “See you around, Yaz.”  
  
When River opened the door to the Doctor’s bedroom she was sat cross legged in the middle of her bed, sleepy eyes forced open and hair standing out in all directions, half heartedly tucked behind her ears.

“Hey,” she pouted and shuffled a tad towards River and the door. “Where did you go? You can’t just disappear like that, I wondered what happened to you!” River walked in and looked down at the Doctor, ignoring her tired rambles.

“And you woke up...”

“‘Bout two minutes ago, I think. Possibly less. Probably a lot less. Why?”

“And you’re already missing me?” River smirked, but climbed onto the bed.

“We’ve been over this,” suddenly serious, the Doctor opened her eyes so that she could see River clearly, “I always miss you.” River smiled as she affectionately pushed her hand into the Doctor’s hair.

“Sweetie...”

“Hey, River,” the Doctor said with a tiny voice.

“Yes, my love.”

“Cuddle with me?”

“Of course.”  
  
The Doctor was the little spoon, obviously. Holding River’s hand in hers, she played with the ring on her finger as she hummed what sounded like a Gallifreyan lullaby. River’s other hand was intertwined with the Doctor’s hair and their legs tied themselves with each other. River buried her nose in the Doctor’s hair. It smelled of engine oil and the tea Yaz had been drinking.

“Darling,” River whispered in the Doctor’s ear.

“Mhm.”

“You really should let Yaz know that you’re not opposed to being with other people, just because you’re married-” The Doctor’s head snapped and she rolled over so she could look into River’s eyes.

“What?” She scrunched up her nose and squinted.

“Oh come on, honey.” River rolled her eyes. “It’s not like it’s a secret that you like her.” The Doctor still gazed at her cluelessly. “I don’t know what Ryan and Graham would say, but if you were to ask me, which you don’t need to since I’m your wife and going to tell you either way, I’d say you’re a tiny bit in love.” The Doctor squinted intensely, scrunched her entire face, tilted her head and gazed at the wall behind River, who only waited with a smirk and raised eyebrows. The Doctor’s eyes widened, she grabbed River’s wrist and stared into her wife’s eyes.

“You, you... you’re right! I _am_ in love with Yaz.”

“Of course you are sweetie.” River stroked the Doctor’s cheek.

“But, but,” she sat up, waving her arms all over the place, “what does that mean?”

“I think it means you should do something about it, dear.”

“River,” The Doctor gasped, “Do you think she likes me back? _River?_ ”

“I think there’s a big chance she does, sweetie.”

“But I’m _married_ ! She knows that I’m married!”

“You do know we’re not exclusive?”

“Well of course _I_ know that. You know that. _Cleopatra_ knows that! Yaz doesn’t!”

“Well...”

“River... what did you do? You didn’t invite her over here did you? Or flirted excessively?”

“Someone had to.” River smirked but the Doctor gulped like she’d kissed someone wearing hallucinogenic lipstick. “Don’t worry sweetie, I only told her we have an open relationship. Nothing more.” The Doctor’s frown turned into a little smile as she opened her mouth. “Not a lot more, at least...”

“ _River._ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, not to have a lot of feels over my own writing, but isn’t sleepy!thirteen the cutest thing in the entire world?


	4. sad boi hours

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so in light of what happened yesterday (not me posting chapter three, dan howell’s coming out video lol) i thought it fitting to publish my last chapter today (to further they gay agenda, you know)

Sparks flew across the Doctor’s chest, and it wasn’t only because River was in the room. She sat on the edge of the console while the Doctor crawled around under it, frantically reaching for a loose wire. She blew a strand of hair from her face. This long hair wasn’t very practical when confined to small places with tons of electricity pulsating around you. Neither was wearing two shirts. Especially when one of them was long sleeved.

“ _Ouch_.” In her attempt to grab the wire, she’d accidentally slammed her foot into River’s leg. “What-”

“Whoops,” she said with a grimace and gave up on reaching it, instead sliding out from under the console.

“-are you even doing down there?” said River as the Doctor stood up. She crouched slightly and gripped the back of her leg, the Doctor supposed that’s where she’d been hit, with one hand.

“Nothing too important.” She frowned. “I’m sorry. Are you alright?”

“No harm done.” River smiled. She looked as beautiful as ever. Her hair was tied back, but not in the same type of messy bun she’d been wearing the last few days. Something about her appearance gave the Doctor a weird feeling. Ignoring it, she looked down on the a screen on the console.

“That’s good,” she said, and tapped the screen. She must have accomplished something by spending half an hour tampering with with the wiring. “It looks like we might need to get a soldering iron.” She stretched her neck to look at another part of the console. “I’m sure I have one somewhere around here, but I seemed to have misplaced it at some point.” She was about to move her hand from where it rested, right between a lever and a bunch of buttons with Gallifreyan inscriptions, when River placed her hand on top of it.

“Sweetie…” Her tone was lower than before and when the Doctor looked up she had her eyes fixed on the Doctor’s face. This really did not help her feeling of unease. She swallowed.

“Yeah,” the Doctor mumbled. It wasn’t hard to guess what was coming.

“I know neither of us want to hear this, but-”

“You have to go back.” She laid her hand on River’s. “I know.”

“I would love to stay darling, but we both know I can’t. Not forever.” The Doctor looked down on their hands. Hers looked so empty without the wedding ring. Why hadn’t she been more careful not to lose it? It was one of the only things connected to River that hadn’t hurt to look at. Right after Darillium she had barely been able to sleep in her own bed, because it felt terribly lonely to lie there by herself. She tried to pretend that River was still there, and the first few nights her smell lingered in the room, and the Doctor hid her face in the pillows and River’s coconut scented conditioner. But it wasn’t the same. No breaths from another person next to her, and when she tossed and turned she didn’t brush against River.

“Babe.”

“Yeah?” The Doctor gulped and clenched River’s hand.

“This doesn’t have to be the last time.”

“Doesn’t it?” She smiled sadly and met her wife’s eyes.

“Sweetie-” River intertwined her fingers with the Doctor’s. Her other hand, that wasn’t being held by River, fiddled with the hem of her shirt.

“We already talked about this, River. Times end, and for me, ours ended long ago. Meeting you again… it’s been brilliant, and I wouldn’t trade it for the universe, but it’s not… It’s a bonus. The sprinkles on top of the cake.” She wanted to smile, hopefully making this less painful for them both, but her face wouldn’t cooperate. River freed her hand and took a step towards the Doctor. With it, she cupped the Doctor’s cheek, at the same time as her other hand grabbed her wrist. The palm of her hands were cool against the Doctor’s skin, and she leaned into her wife’s touch.

“Honey,” River whispered. Then she too leaned in, but for a kiss. A few loose curls tickled the Doctor’s cheekbone, and a warm breath graced her face. River’s hand left her face and landed on the back of her neck, where it moved them closer. The Doctor placed her hand on River’s shoulder, tightly holding on to her wife. But River backed away, smiling mischievously. “I would tell you to shut up, but this way is so much better.”

”River.”

”I know, sweetie.”

”Really? Because I’m serious. The chances of us ever seeing each other again… This me, I mean. Future me. They’re minuscule.”

“They were before that bar in Sheffield too, and look where we are now.”

“That was different.”

“Was it now?” River scoffed. “It’s not at all like this proves we can still see each other, to some extent.”

“I-”

“I think you know I’m sneaking out every now and then.”

“Of course I do,” said the Doctor, and chuckled, ”You turned up out of nowhere with a completely different outfit than the one you were wearing five minutes ago.” She sighed and turned down her head. “But that doesn’t guarantee you’ll see me when you do.” For a second neither of them said anything. Then River let go of her wrist and adjusted her grip so that they were holding hands.

“Then what about we decide that I will,” said River. The Doctor’s head snapped back up.

“Like… like a date?” she said, failing at hiding the smile that cracked up in her face.

“A date indeed, my love.” River placed a light kiss on the Doctor’s cheek. The Doctor herself was beaming at her wife, and stood up on her tiptoes to peck River’s forehead before she buried her face in the curve of her neck.

She did the same a few minutes later, when River had found her vortex manipulator and they stood outside the Tardis doors. The Doctor wasn’t sure exactly which planet they had landed on, but from the stars in the sky she guessed somewhere in the Andromeda galaxy.

“You really didn’t have to walk me out, sweetie,” River whispered in her ear.

“If I hadn’t it wouldn’t have felt like a proper goodbye, though,” murmured the Doctor.

“It’s not a proper goodbye.” River’s hand on the Doctor’s waist pulled her closer. “We have a date, remember.”

“Of course I remember.” The Doctor pulled back with a smile. “How could I ever forget?”

“I’ll be seeing you, then.” River stepped back, pushed a strand of hair out of her face, entered the coordinates, and gazed at the Doctor. “My love.”

“And I you, Professor Song.” She smiled lovingly at River, who bit down on her lip and squinted slightly, despite the dark night. The Doctor tilted her head and furrowed. “What-”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” groaned River. She pressed herself against the Doctor, pushing her up against the Tardis. Their lips clashed together. The Doctor flailed her hands for a second before they landed on River’s waist. And then River disappeared, and left the Doctor’s skin strangely cold. She opened her eyes and gawked at her smirking wife.

“Goodbye, sweetie,” said River, with her hand on the vortex manipulator.

“I, erm.. See you,” said the Doctor, a lovestruck grin plastered on her face.

“You better.” She winked. The air around her crackled with a flash of light, and left was only a faint smell of electricity.

* * *

Since her talk with River a few days ago, Yaz had been able to sleep a lot better. This night however, had been an exception. She’d gone to make herself a cup of tea, but just as she finished it she’d felt the Tardis tremble. Nothing unusual with that, she’d learned the Doctor sometimes went places while they were asleep, but the night quivers had subsided following River’s appearance. Either they stayed on the Tardis, doing god knows what, or River was simply a much better pilot than the Doctor. It might’ve been nothing, but the shaking disturbed Yaz, so she set out to find out what was going on.

When she arrived in the control room nothing could be heard except the soft hums and whirrs from the Tardis. Yaz pulled her blanket closer. Wasn’t it oddly cold? And where was the Doctor, and River? Thankfully it didn’t seem like she was about to interrupt them in anything. They might not even be in here. It was rather quiet. As she thought that, she laid her eyes on the Doctor. She sat slumped in the doorway, looking out at open space. Yaz bit her lip. She wanted to offer some comfort and reassurance, but not to risk intruding.

“What’s up, Yaz?” said the Doctor, without moving. Her voice not nearly as confident as usual. Had she been crying? Yaz walked towards the Doctor, but stopped a few meters away.

“Nothing, really.” Her mouth was uncomfortably dry. “I just felt the Tardis going somewhere, and wanted to check it out.” The Doctor nodded, still not looking at Yaz. The whirring and the humming seemed to have quieted down. Yaz swallowed. “River just left, didn’t she?” Now the Doctor didn’t nod, but she didn’t do anything else either. If it had been anyone but the Doctor, Yaz would’ve rolled her eyes.

“You see that star over there?” said the Doctor. Yaz squinted, but there were too many to make out which she meant. She strolled the remaining distance and sat herself down next to the Doctor, dangling her feet in space.

“Which one?” she said, and looked at the Doctor, who she found staring back at her. Her face tinted pink and hair messily tucked behind an ear. She looked back at the star and pointed again.

“That one.” This time it was clear she meant a star to the left of a cluster, a tiny bit down from their eye height.

“What about it?” said Yaz.

“I could name it. Tell you the name of the nine planets in its solar system, which three of them are populated. I could explain why their apple-picking laws are absolutely rubbish.” Her attempt for a joke didn’t go well with the sadness in her voice. “The stories say there’s this mountain on one of those planets. One side facing the ocean, the other completely overgrown. Most of the time, the sea is too violent to even get close, and there’s no way to get through the forest. But they say that right at the top, the forest ends and there’s a plateau where nothing grows except this pink grass. No one has been there in thousands of years. Maybe ever. Only the birds and the wind.” The Doctor swallowed and clasped her hands in her lap. She opened her mouth, and closed it again. “I thought about taking River there sometime. It was always in the back of my head. But then there were so many other places, and we never ended up going. Looking at it… I’m seeing what could’ve been. A possibility that never happened.” She shook her head with a dispirited smile.

“I’m sorry.”

“Yeah,” mumbled the Doctor, still glancing at the star. “Me too.”

“Do you think you’ll ever see her again?”

“Honestly?” sighed the Doctor. “I don’t know. I hope so.” She scrunched her nose. “We did plan a date, but who knows how it’s gonna turn out.” Yaz raised her eyebrows.

“If you planned a date, it feels like the chances are pretty high,” she said. The Doctor turned her head and her eyes caught Yaz’s in a gaze. They were glossy and Yaz could’ve sworn a few stars danced around in them. She gripped the edge of the Tardis floor as the Doctor’s mouth glimpsed open, and quickly closed again.

“Oh Yaz.” The Doctor smiled softly. “Brilliant Yaz.” She embraced Yaz, wrapping her arms around her back. Yaz had to smile as she hugged her back. “Thank you,” whispered the Doctor. She pulled back, grabbed Yaz’s hand, and gave it a light squeeze.  “Really. Thank you.”

“Well, what are friends for,” said Yaz with a smile. But behind it she was terrified. The Doctor still held her hand, and it really shouldn’t feel as nice as it did.

“Right. Friends,” said the Doctor and scrunched her nose. “That’s what we are. Super-duper friends. The best.” She frowned a little. “Bestie mates. Buddies. Gal pals.” Yaz snorted.

“Sure. Whatever you say,” she said and nodded, hardly keeping her grin away from her face.

“Hey Yaz,” the Doctor placed her head on Yaz’s shoulder, hand still in hers, “you’re great at giving hugs.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, not to get emotional here, but im gonna be honest and say that this is the first story (that’s actually sort of,,, long) that i have ever finished to the point of publishing, and since we’re all about self love and positivity in this house, im gonna go ahead and say im really proud of myself. and that im really thankful for everyone who has read/commented/given kudos/subscribed/bookmarked this fic <3<3 i appreciate it so much!

**Author's Note:**

> ohh so that’s it! what do yall think? is it kinda funny? absolutely rubbish? a good mix of both?
> 
> also, i cannot figure out what to do with this now, because i am writing a sort of part two, where river gets to interact with the gang more, and im liking how it’s turning out buuuut idk if i should just leave this as a one-shot or keep going? would anyone read another chapter-ish?
> 
> (im also wondering if i should write another two parts after that, but them being more thasmin centered i guess?? (because thasmin is great. love me some thasmin) is that something that people would like? in the probably quite distant future?)
> 
> (rn i set the chapter thingy at four, but as im still unsure of what to do, that might change and this might become a one-shot lol)


End file.
